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High-School Dropout Rebuilds Entire Internet Using Claude, Immediately Hits Usage Limit
Billions left offline as 19-year-old refuses to upgrade Claude plan.
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Politicsleft perspectiveFeatured
Washington Pays Respect to Late Senator Villain McEvil, Dead At 83
Longtime Opponents to McEvil Eulogize McEvil As "A Great Man Who I Happened To Have Disagreements With", Recall Him As A Good Man Who Wished The Best For The Country
Politicsright perspectiveFeatured
Hollywood Announces “The Last Stand,” the Most Inclusive Movie Ever Made
The Lead Character Has No Flaws, is Every Gender At Once, and No Villains Exist To Avoid Offending Anything.
Newsleft perspective
"Nasdaq Rebrands S&P 500 to 'S&P 0.5,' Citing Gas Prices and War With Iran"
Half a Share of Apple Now Backs the Entire Index, Officials Confirm
Politicsright perspectiveFeatured
Fortune 500 Company Corcoran Industries Achieves 100% DEI Score After Laying Off Every Human Employee
"Human" Resources celebrates “the final step toward equality” shortly before ceasing to exist.
Politicsleft perspective
Local Republican Discovers Quote About Trump Republican Voters Get Ragebaited
Tuscaloosa Republican spends decades searching for a lie, finds only the truth he didn't want
Politicscenter perspectiveFeatured
Nation Prepares to Commemorate 'Kirkiversary' With Ceremonial Torches, Group Rendition of 'We Are Charlie Kirk
Internet Users Anoint Him "The Great Kirk", Cementing His Status As An American Martyr
NewsFeatured
Nineteen Year Old Self-Proclaimed "High Fih-nance" Guy Invests Exclusively in "Ethically Ambiguous" Companies
Miles Harrington: "Money doesn't buy morals"
Politicsleft perspectiveFeatured
Trump Renames the Sun "Trump Star" In A Months Long Renaming Spree
After months of "hard work" and millions of dollars spent, the administration has no more things to rename.
Politicscenter perspective
Biden Renames Trump Tower to "Biden-Trump Tower"; Trump Vows Retaliation
A dedication speech, some deionized water, and a welcome center in Delaware. America's finest hour.
Politicscenter perspective
MIT Now Requires AP Dating for Admission
New MIT application requirement cuts the applicant pool in half.
Politicsleft perspective
U.S. Strikes Iran, Loses a Fighter, Wins the Day: A Play-by-Play in Song: "Iran: A Flock of Seagulls"
A geopolitical ballad set to the tune of "I Ran" by A Flock of Seagulls.
Politicsleft perspective
"I Just Wanna Kiss My Fish"
Lee Brice Informs America That Cutting Grass Is an Act of Cultural Resistance
Politicscenter perspective
Green Onion Reporter Arrested on Billie Eilish’s Property After “No One Is Illegal on Stolen Land” Speech…Tongva Tribe Still Waiting
A Green Onion reporter takes Billie Eilish's politics literally. It did not go well.
Shorts.
All shortsShortsMeme Analysis
The MCU Massacres of Victor Von Doom
Marvel fans prepare for greatest humanitarian disaster since WWII after rumors that fictional characters might die in new Avengers movie
Shorts
The LARP CLUB
An Influx of "Larpers" Have Taken Weaseled Their Way Into The Ranks of Satire Club
Shorts
#grrrmonday Effect On The Fall of Constantinople
Shorts
Boeing Unveils Wingless 797-100, Solves 'Chief Problem' of Long Flight Durations
Anonymous Whistleblower Says Company Should 'Return Focus to Stock Buybacks
Shorts
Green Onion Music Desk: Metallica Goes Soft, Adele Turns 35, and Ozzy's Estate Accused of Being Too Moderate
Exclusive updates from Jollywood, California, where the music industry continues to make decisions.
Shorts
An Advert for the Swiss Banks
Totally legal. Totally ethical. A tried and true, proven, clean track record.