San Quentin Prison - I am writing this from a jail cell, which is not where I expected to end up after watching the Grammy Awards alone in my Compton studio apartment. I had just finished a long shift scrubbing toilets and settled in to relax with Paramount Plus, which I cannot explain financially. That is when Billie Eilish won another award and reminded us that she does not care about fame while collecting it.

With her trademark whisper and thousand yard stare, she announced, “No one is illegal on stolen land. F*** ICE.” As someone who believes in listening to artists and not questioning them, I took this to heart. If no one is illegal on stolen land, then surely I was welcome anywhere. I felt almost bad for how obvious the logic was.

So I ran to her three million dollar Malibu home in a gated community that screams “Private Property.” I hopped the fence with the confidence of someone who thought he was living out “My Future.” Unfortunately, Billie’s private security team did not seem familiar with her politics. They tackled me to the ground like I was the villain in “Bad Guy” and called the police while I tried explaining that I was just following her worldview.

Next thing I knew, I was being driven north, feeling very much “Happier Than Ever” in the back of a squad car. I had trusted Billie because she has never had a normal job or gone to a normal school, which in modern America makes you a philosopher. I believed her when she mocked people with resumes and life experience, and I assumed she practiced what she preached.

Turns out it is easy to say “no one is illegal” when you live behind walls, cameras, and guards who absolutely believe some people are not welcome. It is easier to sing about empathy than to give up square footage. Activism sounds great in an acceptance speech, but it gets quiet when someone shows up at your wall.

The Tongva Tribe, meanwhile, is still confused. Hollywood loves to talk about stolen land, usually right before driving home to it. No celebrities have offered to sell their houses or give anything back, but the vibes are very progressive. At this point, I would not blame the Tongva for crossing the property border like I did.