Delbarton School · Morristown, NJEstablished 2025
Delbarton Satire Club
The Green Onion.
A STUDENT-RUN SATIRE PUBLICATIONFriday, October 16, 2026
THE GREEN ONION

The Newsroom

Newsroom
The Green Onion • Delbarton Satire Club
TitleAuthorDateStatusActions
NameRoleActions
New Article
MEDIA

Cover image

Set the article and homepage crops separately.

Drop photo here or click to upload
or paste a URL below
Article Cover (when article is opened)
Drag to reposition  ·  scroll or slider to zoom
− + 100%
Brightness 100%
Contrast 100%
Saturation 100%
Homepage Card (thumbnail on the site)
Drag to reposition  ·  scroll or slider to zoom
− + 100%
Brightness 100%
Contrast 100%
Saturation 100%
STORY

Article body

Write and format the published story.

ARTICLE MEDIA

Place photo

✓ Published!
Shorts

Chipotle Employees Now Decide Prices Based On Their Mood - Customers Infuriated

Depressed Teenage Staff Given Full Discretion Over Menu Pricing

Chipotle Employees Now Decide Prices Based On Their Mood - Customers Infuriated

Morristown, NJ- If it wasn't already bad enough, it has just got worse. Recent news has just confirmed that world wide staple fast food brand, Chipotle has changed their pricing schemes. Chipotle was already headlined by their outrageous prices headlined by their high protein bowls labeled as a $16 - $18 dollar purchase. Now, if it couldn't have got any worse, chipotle employees now dictate menu prices. This has all food fanatics in a frenzy considering that all chipotle employees are depressed highschool students with no where else to work. One customer of Chipotle under the name Gregory Hasenturf said “ Bro I was js trying to get me a bowl with rice, chicken, and cheese, the goth employee with more piercings than teeth charged me $80 for my bowl.” To me it's just outrageous at this point. Most people coming to chipotle are just hungry and use it as an excuse to say they eat healthy food, but now they have to pay for their food and leave it the hands of depressed teenagers. Rumor is that next they are planning for customers to have to pay to enter the restaurant, pay for fountain cups, and charge for the amount of time waited in line. We’ll keep you updated on this matter, from the Green Onion✌️


Published November 20, 2025 · SatireEmail
About The Green Onion

This is the site of the Delbarton Satire Club. Founded in 2025, we write satirical articles that critique sports, culture, politics, social issues, and other current affairs. We publish satire from both sides of the political spectrum.

Each article reflects its author’s perspective—not that of The Green Onion, the Satire Club, or Delbarton School.

THE PEOPLE BEHIND THE ONION

Meet the Staff

Edit My Photo
Your photo
Drop photo here or click to upload
or paste a URL below
✓ Saved!
New Staff Member
Drop photo or click to upload
or paste a URL below
Move the slider to choose which vertical part of the photo appears on the public site.
✓ Saved!