By: Ted Kirk Class of 32’

O’BLOCK IL  - A routine man-on-the-street interview in Madison, Wisconsin, escalated into a geopolitical incident this week when a local reporter, seemingly out of normal questions, asked a stranger whether he was “currently being hazed or doing the hazing.” The man, described by witnesses as “suspiciously calm” and “just trying to get a coffee,” replied with three words that would change history: “Relax, pal.” Within minutes, the remark triggered the largest wave of global secondhand embarrassment since someone said “No, YOU hang up” on live television, with cringe levels reportedly detected as far away as Antarctica, where penguins were seen collectively wincing and turning away. The United Nations convened an emergency session, failing to reach a consensus but agreeing that “pal” was “a lot” and the situation was “very Wisconsin.” Reporters from Channel Kirk confirmed the nearby college campus “exploded in a fury,”. Although first responders thought the explosion was figurative, they arrived at an utterly destroyed college campus where one firefighter stated, “Only in Wisconsin,” citing that Wisconsin may be on track to become the new Ohio hit meme taking place 4 years prior. Only time will tell.