Washington Pays Respect to Late Senator Villain McEvil, Dead At 83
Longtime Opponents to McEvil Eulogize McEvil As "A Great Man Who I Happened To Have Disagreements With", Recall Him As A Good Man Who Wished The Best For The Country
WASHINGTON, DC, Tuesday - A solemn atmosphere filled the U.S. Capitol as mourners filed in for the funeral of the late Senator Villain McEvil. McEvil, 83, died Monday after 33 years in public office. He leaves behind a wife, three children, and six grandchildren.
An ardent fundamentalist, McEvil advocated for the curbing of civil rights, women’s rights, and most venomously, gay rights. Nonetheless, numerous prominent insiders in Washington allege that McEvil was himself a closeted homosexual, taking on many male lovers during his time in the Senate and the House of Representatives. Users on social media have also noted how Grindr servers always seemed to crash wherever McEvil traveled.
However, McEvil is perhaps most known for his aggressive foreign policy stance, specifically his obsession with bombing foreign countries. Following the Russian invasion of Ukraine, McEvil emerged as one of Kyiv’s most vocal supporters in Congress. He cited many reasons behind his fervent support for Ukraine. The actual well-being of the Ukrainians was nowhere on the list.
“We must stand with the Ukrainian people for as long as it takes,” McEvil declared on Fox News. “And preferably from a safe altitude of 40,000 feet”.
The Middle East was where McEvil’s hawkishness really took form. He supported the bombing and/or invasions of Iraq, Iran, Syria, Libya, Yemen, Afghanistan, and any other Middle Eastern-sounding country. During a particularly monotonous Senate meeting in 2017, McEvil was overheard asking an aide if there were still any countries left over “that we haven’t bombed yet.
Despite his "controversial" positions, McEvil was remembered fondly by colleagues on Tuesday, particularly by the Democrats who spent much of their careers describing McEvil as “the biggest threat to American democracy".
“Villain and I obviously had disagreements,” Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer told reporters. “I believed that all people should receive protection under the law. He, uhhh, did not, so to speak. But that's what democracy is all about.”
Former Speaker Nancy Pelosi praised McEvil as “a patriot and a dear friend”. “He wanted to get rid of the 1st and 14th amendments; I did not. But at the end of the day, despite our disagreements, we could always sit down, have a drink, and remember that we’re both Americans who love our country. That is what makes our country so great.”
Fox News Host Sean Hannity also gave his remarks on McEvil’s passing. For those wondering why a TV host would be giving a eulogy about a politician, it was because Villain McEvil had no friends.
“Villain was great for ratings. And there wasn’t a war he didn’t want to get involved in. Some people, though, said he was a hawkish guy — I think that's absolutely an unfair judgment of his character. He just liked war, that's it.”
Surprisingly (to the surprise of absolutely no one), it was Donald Trump who didn’t shower McEvil with praise.
“As you know, Villain and I didn’t get off to the best of starts,” Trump told reporters. “He was a tough guy to deal with. He may have been ugly, he may have been unlikeable, he may have dressed terribly—and boy did he dress terribly, I have to say. Not the best-looking, either. No one liked him. Actually, a lot of people hated him. But he was one tough nut. I would say, even “hawkish””.
Trump continued: “He loved war. Nobody loved war like Villain. You could show him a country on a map, and he’d say, ‘Why the hell aren’t we bombing it?” Trump then reiterated how McEvil’s best quality was his personal adoration of the president.
The media offered similar warm reflections on McEvil’s career. Legacy media channels spent much of Tuesday memorializing McEvil, to a time when politicians could “set aside their small differences to serve the nation”. Political commentator Ben Shapiro of the Daily Wire also used the moment to promote his sponsor, Honey.
“All the worst people are celebrating Villain McEvil’s death — all the worst. The radical Marxist-Communist-Fascist-Left has been so consumed by hatred. Evil people, celebrating the death of a senator. And speaking of things you shouldn’t celebrate losing: money. That’s why I use Honey.”
Shapiro then went on a two-minute rant about the Google Chrome extension. McEvil’s name wasn’t mentioned again.
And with that, Washington paid its respects and said goodbye to a man they disagreed with on nearly everything, but who was “still a good man at the end of the day.”
Rest in peace, Villain McEvil. You will be dearly missed.
Keep reading
THE GREEN ONION
ICE Introduces New Hiring Standards, Applicants Now Required to Count to 20
Activist Who Calls Mexico a Paradise Has No Plans to Move There
