Dear People Who Hate Stranger Things,

I hate you too. I understand that you may perceive my situation to be an obsession, and while I do buy twenty boxes of Eggos a week, while a little tic may develop in my eye when I hear the number Eleven, and while I count demogorgons circling above my head when I fall asleep, I am not obsessed. It is simply in the heart of a fan to think without stop about this groundbreaking show, to know every quote by heart, to be able to list the names of all the episodes in order without fail. Okay I might be slightly crazy, friends don’t lie, but now my friends can introduce me as “he’s our friend and he’s crazy!,” and my inner fan will be in heaven. Sanity is a privilege, not a right. But, regardless, this is one of the greatest television shows of all time, a beautiful plot about learning to grow up, learning to bear the burden of adulthood, and learning that we could be heroes, just for one day. It features the great hits of the 1980s: “My Bologna” by Weird Al, “Oh Yeah” by Yello, and “Human Cannonball” by the Butthole Surfers. It features the epitome of 1980s culture: Dungeons & Dragons, a game every politically correct child then played. It even features every holiday: Christmas and Halloween. But if these reasons fail to convince you, remember that Stranger Things spelled backwards is Sgniht Regnarts, which makes no sense, just like your opinion.

Yours truly, Mileven