Looking for somewhere more useful to store your Benjamins, jewels, and stolen gold than the mattress, the piggy bank, or a dubious account in the Grand Cayman Islands? Trying to avoid the FBI, CIA, NSA, KGB, and IDF? Well you can turn to the Swiss banks! We embrace our longstanding motto: “NO QUESTIONS ASKED!” Unlike those pesky American banks, you can deposit anything with us and no one will be the wiser! Blood diamonds? We got you. Money from the laundromat? We got you. Millions worth of property taken from 1933 to 1945 from Western Russia, Czechoslovakia, France, Belgium, the Netherlands, Norway, or  what used to be Yugoslavia? We still got you, and we will hold onto this money forever, whether or not Interpol opens a file on you, or your regime falls to the Red Army. Wherever you are too, we still have you covered, with special deals for Argentine and US NASA emigres for a limited time only! Always remember, if you find boxes of gold in your grandfather’s attic after his funeral, and you do not want to ask questions, entrust that gold to us! 

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