Delbarton School · Morristown, NJEstablished 2025
Delbarton Satire Club
The Green Onion.
A STUDENT-RUN SATIRE PUBLICATIONFriday, October 16, 2026
THE GREEN ONION

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The Green Onion • Delbarton Satire Club
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Nine Year Old Youth Hockey Player Traded

Blockbuster trade makes splash across the 9U youth hockey world.

Nine Year Old Youth Hockey Player Traded

MORRISTOWN, NJ - Earlier this month, the Morristown Wolverines youth hockey organization announced their trade of nine-year old Timmy Davies to the California Catskins 9U Elite Premier Rec Hockey Program. Davies was a tenured veteran who had been with the organization for three seasons. “Obviously, it was a really tough decision,” stated Wolverines GM Chad Thunderballs. “Little Timmy is a great locker room guy who plays with heart. With that being said, his recent performance just doesn’t meet the expectations that our organization holds at the 9U level. We stand by our decision and we firmly believe in the future success of of our program.” The Wolverines acquired Maverick Maguire and a new Zamboni machine in return. In an interview with the Green Onion, Callan Maguire, Maverick's father, expressed his pleasure at the recent signings. “We believe our Maverick is making the NHL. He is better than all the other players on his team, and even his uncle who skated a few times believes he will go pro. As such, I will be holding Mav to the highest standards possible. I know he is destined to be an NHL player, and thus I will be treating him like one.” Maverick Maguire is nine years old.


Published October 25, 2025 · SatireEmail
About The Green Onion

This is the site of the Delbarton Satire Club. Founded in 2025, we write satirical articles that critique sports, culture, politics, social issues, and other current affairs. We publish satire from both sides of the political spectrum.

Each article reflects its author’s perspective—not that of The Green Onion, the Satire Club, or Delbarton School.

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