MONTICELLO, VIRGINIA. Archaeologists led by William Sterne Randall today unearthed the original letters written between Thomas Jefferson and a select few other Founding Fathers about the creation of congress. Discovered along with the J. Edgar Hoover’s personal files, the original Warren Commission documents, and a mass grave, the C-files, as history buffs now call the congressional documents, have drawn extensive media coverage and have been called ‘the most important find of the century.’ Green Onion reporters rushed to the scene as the documents were interred in the cavernous expanse of the Smithsonian for the various unemployed postgraduate academics from the surrounding D.C. universities to overconfidently analyze. When asked about their importance, Randall, a known biographer of Jefferson, stated “we have long believed that Congress, especially the Senate, had been masterfully designed to impede progress on every front.” Randall further explained that Benjamin Franklin, the noted 100-dollar Founding Father and the original author of “Thunderstruck,” had carefully studied the expansive history of democratic nations prior to 1776 and chosen the bicameral legislature as the perfect instrument to achieve Jefferson’s nefarious aims. A postgraduate student, who wished to remain anonymous due to the student-loan-sharks, stated that the Senate was actually an acronym that stood for “Society of the Entitled Narcissistic Aristocrats for the Tradition of Emptiness.” When asked about the Warren Commission documents , Randall refused to confirm or deny..