CAMBRIDGE, MASSACHUSETTS: MIT president Sally Kornbluth announced today that the university would now require a 3 or higher on AP Dating for admissions consideration. One of the recent wave of prestigious universities to enforce this controversial new Advanced Placement course offered by the College Board, MIT has received extensive criticism from students, geeks, and the Vulcan Party that this policy will prevent brilliant minds from receiving top-tier education and force various math olympiad winners with nonexistent social lives to consider colleges outside of the top ten. Reporters from the Green Onion interviewed an anonymous student at MIT, who stated while prodigiously fidgeting and avoiding direct eye contact that the policy “will prevent advancements at the highest level and inhibit students like me… from… you know… like… succeeding? We are human beings! It is cruel and unusual to force us to apply to those low-brow, mouth-breathing Ivies or Newton forgive anywhere else.” When asked to comment on the policy, president Kornbluth announced that “for too long we have accepted soulless robots with intellects so advanced they cannot be human. MIT does not need another nerdy boy who cannot interact with women and who spends his free time solving differential equations that might be the solution to world hunger. We need humans.”  In response, President Trump sued MIT for not admitting the students who take standardized tests for the wealthy.